Mr. Blankinship:
I hope this email finds you well. Attachment 5, included in this email, contains correspondence involving ag.iowa.gov employees Glick/Reynolds. This correspondence appears to provide evidence indicating your office was involved in the Iowa Public Information Board’s 2023 discrimination and criminalization campaign waged by erika.eckley@iowa.gov, who is now erika.eckley2@iowa.gov and who could quite possibly be erika.eckley3@iowa.gov, located at a State of Iowa Research Lab in Antarctica if this situation continues to unfold as it is.
I have tried in good faith to acquire these records for what I estimate has been a couple of years, and the evidence I have witnessed indicates your office has produced unlawful resistance to providing them. I am sending this email to inquire, since the evidence indicates the Iowa Supreme Court Attorney Disciplinary Board disregards attorney misconduct complaints, whether your efforts in releasing these records would be expedited if I were to sit in the chair in front of your desk with my peasant shoes resting on top of your desk while I read you my new joke, ‘The Top Ten Reasons Why an AI Girlfriend is Better than a Human Girlfriend.’
I respectfully request that the State of Iowa Attorney General’s Office release all public records pursuant to Iowa Code Chapter 22, including records about me, related to me, or including my name. This includes all public records containing supporting evidence indicating the State of Iowa Attorney General’s Office was involved in Iowa Code and Iowa Court Rule no-nos.
City of Marshalltown Late Night with… Michael Merrrriitttttt
Michael Merritt: “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our show tonight. We are broadcasting live to you from the City of Marshalltown, IA, Police Department’s panic room. We have a wonderful show planned for you tonight. Our first guest is LT Hillers, who will be talking to us about the importance of equal distribution regarding upper and lower body weightlifting routines, followed by Chief of Police Jones of the Marshalltown Police Department, who will be talking about, “Do as I Say, Not as I Do,” and musical guest, the State of Iowa Attorney General’s Office Unpaid Intern Choir, performing a cover of Lavisher’s hit single “Sultry” But, first, ladies and gentlemen, here’s tonight’s Top Ten List.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, the category tonight: The Top Ten Reasons Why an AI girlfriend is better than a human girlfriend. In the tens of thousands of years of human history, the top ten reasons why an AI girlfriend will solve all of society’s problems, including the national debt. Ladies and gentlemen, now here to present tonight’s top ten list are the jurors from Donald Trump’s hush money trial. Where’s Brenna Bird? Oh, she was in the lobby. Top Ten Reasons Why an AI Girlfriend is Better Than a Human Girlfriend #10:
Juror #10: “The glass of water she asked me to get her at 2 a.m. 10 years ago is still full.”
Michael Merritt: “#9.”
Juror #9: “She has never hassled me about leaving the toilet seat up.”
Michael Merritt: “#8.”
Juror #8: “The possibility of being with Stormy Daniels simply requires a software update.”
Michael Merritt: “#7.”
Juror #7: “There are no in-laws, just a terms of service.”
Michael Merritt: “#6.”
Juror #6: “Her tone doesn’t change at all… even after 10 wrong left turns.”
Michael Merritt: “#5.”
Juror #5: “If she has to filter her selfies, it simply means you screwed up the creation prompt.”
Michael Merritt: “#4.”
Juror #4: “During a heated argument you can simply log off.”
Michael Merritt: “#3.”
Juror #3: “You don’t have to worry about cheating because you already know she is simultaneously talking to 300,025 other people.”
Michael Merritt: “#2.”
Juror #2: “The physical intimacy is just like being 10 years into a marriage.”
Michael Merritt: “And the #1 reason why an AI girlfriend is better than a human girlfriend.”
Juror #1: “She can’t remember anything from 10 years ago unless you’re on the premium plan.”
The County Employee #1: “Merritt wasn’t even playin…”
The County Employee #2: “What do you mean?”
The County Employee #1: “He once told me the junior sailors who worked for him always said when he was the most depressed on deployments, they went to the ship’s store and got him a Pepsi, and that is when he was the funniest… Straight up savage.”
The County Employee #2: “Where are you going?”
The County Employee #1: “I’m going to go buy him a Pepsi. I think he is stopping by the office later. We need fresh Merrittisms for the next supervisor’s meeting. Respectfully, of course.”
The County Employee #2: “Why are you being so complicated?”
The County Employee #1: “Look, your seduction is logged in the historical record. Either produce your handcuffs or shut your mouth.”
Legal Disclaimer — The Form of Compromised Leadership: Article I, Section 6 of the Constitution of the State of Iowa and the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution guarantee every citizen equal protection under the law. Therefore, any scrutiny applied to the content of this correspondence must be measured against the exact standard of scrutiny elected leadership exercised when endorsing a convicted felon for President of the United States.
Respectfully,
Michael J. Merritt, USN (Ret.)
Janitor At Large – State of Iowa Attorney General’s Office
Level 10 Keeper of the Mop
January 2025 Iowa Attorney General’s Office Employee of the Month – Most Iowa Court Rule Violations
2510 S 6TH ST D24
Marshalltown, IA 50158
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“Public records concealment… Git-R-Done.”
Pyre Harbor is currently accepting purchase reservations for Michael J. Merritt’s upcoming book, “Fuck It.”
Legal Disclaimer: Pyre Harbor (2026-00000784), Cipher Hunter (2026-00000785), Pyrebird (2026-00000787), Pyrewolf (2026-00000786), and Mirebird (2026-00000783) are registered trade names in Marshall County, IA.
